i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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