Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
