I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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