The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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