i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
