He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
