She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
