So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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