I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
