sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
