My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
