If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
