I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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