i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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