I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
