there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
