i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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