I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I've blown a few things in my day
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
