happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
