The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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