lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
