'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
