I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
