I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
