Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
