If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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