Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
