I will die if light touches me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
