day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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