Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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