Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
