You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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