I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
