I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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