well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
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