Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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