Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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