I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
