Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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