I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
