are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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