He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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