where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
