You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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