I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
