Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
