she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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