I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
