bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
