So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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