do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
