Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
