You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
