Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
