Kareoke will never be a sober sport
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
