1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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