Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
