I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
