If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
