he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm at about main and main street
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
