i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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