She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
