I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
