so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
