I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I need a burrito and a hug.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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