Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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