Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
