were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
