my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
