you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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