hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
