I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
