Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
