Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
