This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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