considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
