So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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