Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize