I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
